My Story

caring for a loved one

Written by Anonymous

Caring for a loved one

My name is Kenneth, I am a carer for my Mother who has advanced Dementia I have been caring for Mum now for 10 years .in them 10 years I have not had a holiday or break, apart from two spells where mum was in hospital once for 2 weeks and the other time for 3 weeks .caring can be a very lonely job ,but one has to over come those feelings somehow .It is not easy as every day throws new challenges at you . But you meet them challenges .and you take on new ones as well .you look back some times and wonder did you do this or that in the right way .maybe you could have done it differently. But at the end of the day, you know that you have done the best you possibly could .There have been really bad times. Sure, but there has also been equally good times. Some days you just wonder how much more you can push yourself .I sometimes wonder what my limits are, But as yet I guess, I have not reached that stage .You have to be carer ,housekeeper, nurse .friend. When times get tough I try to remember the good times .when Mum was .not the mum I know now. When Mum was a vibrant young woman .the Mum I remember when I was growing up. The one who raised me to be the person I am today .who kept me safe and well feed and clothed. Now it is my turn to repay her for all the care and love she gave me .But I feel that dept .will take a lot of paying back .now I still see my mother as a beautiful person she is .Sure her mind plays tricks on her ,she sees things that are not there ,like the little green man in the corner of the lounge room .But to convince her he is not real is almost impossible ,so I tell him off and tell him to leave then she thinks he is gone and things settle down again .the changing bathing is not the hard part of caring that’s the easy part .The hardest thing is to watch them going though .paranoia episodes and not be able to do a lot but reassure her .and sit with her and try to get her mind on to something else and that can be quite a challenge just ask( Wendy, ) .and to see them getting to the stage where all their faculties are gone they do not even know the closest of their family they do not even recognize the one who cares for them .they call everyone the same thing .But I feel deep down she may still have some small memories left in mind .I find it hard that I can do nothing to stop this terrible infliction .that has taken the ability to do the simplest of things .away from my mother .that is one of hardest things to deal with .Being called Mrs. lady or Mr. man . is the norm .but that’s not a problem , at least mum can still talk even if she cant say what she wants to .I sometimes find the long lonely days a bit hard to get though .when all your friends stop coming by .I guess they get embarrassed .by not knowing what to say .a lot of people do not realize that some carers live a life of isolation and loneliness .but that is the sad fact of life ,as I do not know many other carers I don’t have the opportunity to mix with them. even as hard as it has been I would not ever give up caring for Mum, I am here for the long run .my Mum is a very special lady .and deserves all the care and love I can give .the bad days make you want to sit down and cry but you have to be strong and keep your emotions in control that means some times you will have to say to yourself .Never Never Never give up, I hope this gives people a look into the lives of carers .We do it tough but we do it with Love .I love my mum and will care for her till the end of her time here .with dignity and respect and more importantly with Love .
Kenneth Rhodes Johns. Full Time Carer.