My Story

...LOST...

Written by Faith

I am a single mum of 2, my aunt(more like my best friend & adopted mum) & I bought a home together 12 months ago, my nan has dementia for which my aunt took care of full time 8 years ago when pop passed on, my aunt has been the sole carer for my nan usually 75% of the time in nan's home & the rest of the time in our home, but over the past 6 months, my aunt only spend's 2-3 days a month, if that, in my nan's home & the rest of the time they are here. Please dont get me wrong, I dont begrudge my nan being here & I dont begrudge caring for her whilst my aunt still works full time. I just feel like I have lost myself & I cant seem to move forward in my own life whilst caring for my nan. I have delicatly asked my aunt, several times if she would consider taking nan home & getting nan some in home help from proffesionals, but my aunt always says she promised my pop she would care for nan when he went...but of late it is me caring for nan. Nan is incapable of looking after herself, not only mentally but physically she is riddled with arthritis & can hardly walk, she doesnt know how to cook a simple meal, cant understand expiry dates on foods, little lon other things, she cant see dirt or unclean things, she curses/swears/calls us names & hates everything I cook for her, even though I am a qualified chef who ran my own restuarant for 4 years, she constantly does this all the time...most of the time under her breath or when she is in the next room & she thinks we cant hear her, but nan is partially deaf so she speaks louder then she thinks, I know she doesnt really mean it & I know its not really her saying it but it still hurts & lately its getting worse & harder to ignore. At present my aunt is in hospital possibly with lymphoma, she is still going through tests, & I have asked her to get help with nan because I feel I cant cope anymore & I feel that my aunt needs time out aswell, I need to get some sort of life for myself & my children & my aunt needs time for herself. I cant keep my life on hold anymore, I know I sound selfish with the "poor me" attitude but I'm 30 & the few friends I had have stopped calling & visiting me, because it's hard with nan beside me all the time. I was considering opening another buisness, would love to do things & go places with my children but I am very restricted with everything, even a simple thing like groceries is a major drama, nan cant understand why it costs me what it does to feed 5 people & sometimes curses at the checkout operator, she has no conception of money or time anymore, she cant comprehend why I have soooo many clothes to wash & abuses me or my aunt when we wash her clothes when she has been wearing the same clothes for a week, most of the time we go into her wardrobe when nan's not looking & take her clothes out & wash & dry them & put them back without her knowing otherwise she gets extreamely upset with us. Nan argues with me about cleaning my house toooo much & when I go to her home I offer to do some housework or gardening for her & she gets upsets & abuses me saying that I think she cant look after her home or she's paranoid that I'm snooping or stealing or something from her, how can I help her without offending her???? I cant seem to win no matter which way I go. Every time I mention to my aunt about getting proffessional help my aunt gets really offended too...HELP... how can I avoid hurting everyone when I'm only trying to help everyone... I spent 3 years, not so long ago, looking after my mother who had bipolar, & that was a test in itself. Can anyone offer me advise...I pray I'm not the only one who feel's like this...I pray for forgiveness if I am...Lord grant me serenity...