My Story

A horrible day

Written by lurline

My mum is 71, and in the middle stages of dementia. It has always been assumed that I would be the one to look after mum, even though I have a physical disability. However a couple of years ago I met a lovely lady fell in love and got married. For a year we lived with mum and the year before she was at our house a couple of times a week. As her condition worsened and friction from my other sibblings made the arrangement too unbearable and we decided to sell the house and move to the country. Mum at this stage was still competent and undiagnosed, so we were going to find her a place to live on her own. Unfortunately family tensions boiled over and my elder brother stepped in found her the first flat her could (most unsuitable for an elderly lady). The rest of the family then failed to take up and meaningful care responsibility and big broth has left to live in another country with no forwarding address.

My wife seeing how lonely mum was suggested that we bring her up to live with us which she has for the last year. However her condition has been diagnosed and is getting worse; so much so that we are reluctant to leave her for any time on her own fo fear that she may forget and take her medications over The other problem is that she gets very agitated if I am away for her for any length of time.

Well we have a number of appointments next week and have to be away all week so we decided that it was time to request respite at the local hospital. They said ok but she has to agree.
Today we took her to see the facilities, which are very nice and they will even let her bring her little poodle to stay.I thought it had all gone smoothly she agreed to give it a go knowing it was only for a few days. Once the nurse who explained it all to us left there was a severe turn in her mood, and she began an amazing tirad of how we only wanted rid of her; she wished she was dead; that we had sold her house she wished I had died when I was a child (ill in hospital) and how my father would have chocked me at birth because of what I had done.
The nurse came and helped settle her down but once outside in the car park there was a second triad; this time not only aimed at me but also at my wife.
After more calming from the staff we drove to town where there were two other displays, each saying we had sold her house that my wife only married me to get my money(which is ingesting as I had very little).

The day has been horrid and very stressful, and I am really considering getting mum a unit at a retirement facility just to ease the tension; but both my wife and I know she can not live on her own, and the wife wouln't let me anyway?