hard decisions
A page in the diary "Sue's thoughts on life"
Written by suew Thursday, 18 February 2010 00:46
I have just been reading old diary entries and in November 2007 was writing that I should not be picking Ray up off the floor after falls but call the paramedics. He had three falls last week and of course I picked him up after all three.
The falls result in other events like skin tears that have got to be attended to. Okay, I should call the community nurse and wait in all day till she comes? No, it is easier to tend to it myself. And that is the rule of thumb here, Ray does something, I clean up after him. And there is a lot of that now.
So, my friends all ask, is it time to put Ray into full-time care yet? Isn’t that the dilemma for us all? Ray is 67, he could last another ten years in care. I would have to get a job to support myself and keep this house going. We’d probably have too much in assets and income for me to get income support and jobs for 62 year olds are not really available. So I could do a course of some kind, maybe volunteer at the hostel I put him into, use up our savings and self-fund? Who knows the solutions which is right for us?
I was talking to my sister-in-law tonight and she is facing the same problems. Her husband has heart and lung problems. He was a heavy smoker and now has emphysema and arrhythmia and a few other problems. He is in remission from lung cancer. She works but is over 65 and wants to give up but they have a small farm and he refuses to sign papers so they can sell and live somewhere where she can manage.
Being a carer carries a lot of responsibility and there surely has to be someone to help us make the decisions? I need to do some house repairs but am hopeless with drawing up plans, finding tradesmen to do the job etc. So do I let the house fall down, sell it before it falls down, what do I do? I wish I had taken some home handyman classes, become a carpenter instead of a secretary, learned some of the skills I need to have now. Is there someone I can get to help me with these decisions?
I think the longer I go on caring for Ray the harder it gets. Not only in the physical sense, lifting, showering, cutting up food, doing the clean-ups, the laundry etc but also emotionally. I am aware that now I am over 60 I am not as strong and as confident as I once was and that is a scary feeling. I don’t want to be a burden on my children and I don’t have the money to go with home help etc. If the market were better I would sell the house and move into a retirement village.