onwards
A page in the diary "Sue's thoughts on life"
Written by suew Friday, 13 August 2010 23:26
I am feeling better at last, more energetic too so coping better with Ray. I really wasn’t coping well when I felt tired and weak all the time. That virus sure was a nasty one. I still cough at strange times, when suddenly exposed to cold, like opening the fridge, or steam like turning the kettle off, also at night as soon as I lay down, hopefully that will stop soon.
I was reminded today how long the journey with dementia is when Ray and I ran into an older couple at the shopping centre. She has dementia and has gone from saying half sentences, to saying things that make no sense, from walking ahead of him to being in a wheelchair. Through the three years we have known them so far he has always said: “What can you do when you love each other?” And despite his confession that he is no good at cooking and hopeless at housework he is happy to look after her.
Even when the going gets tough somehow you keep on going. I can feel sure I am going to put Ray straight into care some days and the next day all is well again. Just as well I can’t put him in a taxi and send him straight into a nursing home or I might take that as a solution on a bad day.
The incontinence is causing a lot of washing so I am grateful for the sunnier, drier days. We have been through the worst of winter now so will be okay. Next year I am getting the flu and pneumonia needles so I don’t go through this again. If the carer is down, everyone is worse off. It is not as if anyone else will walk in and take our place, the family are “concerned” but do not come in and take over.
I rang to get some respite and the only booking I could get is the end of October in one of my two nominated places. I don’t like to send Ray just anywhere but here it is hard to book someone into the slot you want. I have said I will wait but could have done with a few days off right now to build up my strength again. Does anyone else find they get more colds etc since they became a carer?
My mum is not a concern at present; she just gets lighter, frailer and sleeps more and more. She slept through my last visit and slept on and off through the hour I was with her on Tuesday. This is sitting in an easy chair in the lounge area, not in bed. I guess she could go anytime now, as she is so frail. I will miss her; she has been such a big part of my life.
Onwards and upwards as one of my friends always says. It is hard to do the upwards part of the journey when I feel so often I am doing it alone, but true, onwards we all go.