dealing with more
A page in the diary "Sue's thoughts on life"
Written by suew Wednesday, 2 June 2010 12:07
Hello all, I am home again and of course life is the same. When I saw Ray in the car with our son when they came to pick me up I thought how old and frail he looked. I guess even a few days away makes us conscious of changes.
I will try not to let Ray slide back into old bad habits so have laid some new ground rules about exercise etc. But he has dementia and tomorrow will do all the things he promised not to do today. Apparently he did have quite a lot of incontinence while I was gone and a couple of falls too. He is having the MRI on Thursday so I might know more about what is happening when I see the neurologist again mid-July.
I explained to our daughter when I saw her and her family that I know that I have been finding it hard to cope the last month or so and we will not always be together. If it gets too much I will have to find a nice place for him to finish his days in. Coping right to the end is not always an option. I don't want a sudden breakdown in the care I give him be the reason for his going into a care home and I don't want the family to say: "But we thought you were coping Mum."
Like a lot of other people I keep saying I could do more with the family's help but I don't think that is the case any more. The best plan is probably me plus some outside help rather than them looking out for him reluctantly and maybe not as well as I can. Dementia care is pretty complex and so professional help is sometimes needed.
Yesterday was a tough day and got worse as it went on. Last night we went to our Lions Club dinner and half way through dinner Ray went off to the toilet. I waited and waited outside to help him with the door and in the end could hear him yelling out: he was stuck in the toilet, couldn't get up and the door was locked. Luckily it was a half door and I slid under it. He was soiled so I tidied him up as best I could and we finished our dinner before coming home for a shower. It is coping one day at a time now and hard to do long term.
I sit in chat here night after night and no-one comes on. Maybe even having a diary here is a waste of time as there is no-one on here to share it with. I am feeling the isolation more and more as Ray's behaviour deeply affects now where we go and what we do.Changing him while we out is just one of the many problems.
Okay, time to quit the pity party and do some more housework.