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Feeling numb

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Written by kandi Sunday, 8 March 2009 23:43

It's been a while.......My fathers death has knocked me hard. It wasn't a relief....or he had a good innings......or it was his time! He was my father and my lifetime of memories. It makes no difference to his age or condition.

It's funny.....I don't remember the dementia now he is gone. I remember the man, the sensitivity, the caring, the childhood memories of feeling safe.

I feel for my mum. It was agonising for her.....for a month she looked for him each day, only to be reminded he was gone. How that must have tortured her, every day, discovering that the man you had been married to for 60 years was gone.

Mum is very sad every day. I am amazed she is here. Sometimes I wonder who is feeling worse. Me, seeing her torture or her deterioration.

In the past 6 months, I have been to three other funerals, dad's mates. It is sad to see an era going, but makes me realize more that I am part of carving the future.

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Comments from the community :

kandi, the longer you have cared for someone the longer it takes to get over the loss, so just give yourself time.I know how hard it was when I lost my Dad, I didn't have time to mourn as I was caring for my mum and my husband. Five months later I was sitting relaxing on the beach and the floodgates opened!

I'm glad you are remembering the good times, not the bad. I guess your mum is too. She will never get over missing her partner of 60 years only the sharpest pains of the loss gradually fade away. How do you ever stop missing someone who has been with you for so long?

I hope you are building good positive experiences into your everyday life. We are the ones who support the survivors and need to be strong to do that. I have had to stay strong to support my old mum and you will have to be strong in order to support yours.

Just remember others are sharing your pain and friends like me are praying for you.

(((Hugs))) from Sue.

Written by  suew, Sunday, 15 March 2009 00:14