Lost and isolated
A page in the diary "the carer got sick - no help for them"
Written by Faye Saturday, 3 July 2010 04:04
Every day a bit more of my beloved Jim goes missing, we went into work today and he wandered around like a lost child, this is the business he built from nothing, and now he does not know where he is, he does not talk much now he is afraid of aking afool of himself. I was in the top office looking down at him through the window, and he looked so lost, as the tears welled up, I fought again the anger and sorrow that seems to be my constant companion. This incideous disease and the ignorance of people bring out so much anger and pain within me. My daughter, usually so stoic, broke down last week in front of her father, and I have to sit there with a brave face, all the time wanting to scream at the injustice of having our lives so cruelly ripped apart. I am losing my soul mate, my love, bit by bit everyday, and the cruelest part is that he is so very aware of what is happening to him. He is becoming more and more reliant on me, and I no longer have lunches with friends (not that I/we now have any) or time on my own as he is my shadow (he can't help it he is scared of being alone). I long to have a girls day out, a haircut without Jim sitting beside me,or lunch but the guilt that I have in leaving him is unbearable, as he is so distressed even at the thought that I may not be there for a moment. Oh the doctors have told me to take care of myself, take it easy, but they have not walked in my shoes, NOTHING prepares you for the reality of Alzeimers, NOTHING!!!!!! Many play lip service to us carers but when push comes to shove they don't care, we are saving the "system" heaps of money because of our dedication and service it our loved ones at our peril, yet there is so little help out there in reality - just band-aids on a gaping wound.