Children

Adult Children

Adult children of people diagnosed with dementia are deeply affected emotionally when they have to take over care of their parents. Roles are switched, which takes time to learn and accept. At the same time, it can create conflict between parents and children. An elderly father or mother may not like allowing their children to make the decisions. For the children, on the other hand, it may feel very awkward to make decisions on behalf of their parents. Many feel they are betraying their parent when placed in such a situation.

Most adult children would like to help their parents. However, dementia can be so frightening that some children avoid involvement. It can create large divisions in the family, both between parents and children and between siblings. Remember that there is often underlying anxiety and fear of the unknown.

What can you do?

• Seek out information on dementia.  
• Clarify for yourself areas where you can help. Divide the tasks among a group of siblings if possible.
• Consider what it means to your parents if division arises in the family.
• You can give each other mutual help and support in relative support groups for adult children of people with dementia.

Teenagers

Younger children, such as teenagers, may have trouble letting go of a parent who is sick. It can be difficult to live their own life, because they feel they are letting someone down. Conversely, contact with the person who has dementia may cause anxiety, which can lead to a person distancing themselves from such contact. Children are often left with deep feelings of guilt.

• If possible, use support groups for people of the same age to discuss the thoughts and feelings that surface.
• Remember to live life - this is your time to be young, and your parent would not want you to miss out on your youth

Smaller Children

Smaller children are often good at communicating with the person with dementia because they are spontaneous and unprejudiced. This is especially true for grandparents.

It is harder when a father or mother of small children becomes demented. Small children who experience a parent's disease need information they can relate to. You should not let them down by hiding the circumstances from them. Nor should demands be placed on them to show considerations for the affected person that they do not understand. Children need ongoing explanations of what is happening in the course of the disease, especially if dad or mom moves to an aged care facility.

Children will always look for explanations for what is happening, and they often take on guilt that they cannot handle. Therefore, in many cases, professional help will be needed to work though these issues

• People with dementia usually enjoy being with grandchildren when it happens on their terms and for brief periods.
• Seek professional help if there are young children involved.
• Use your support network to relieve you and your childrens' load and allow you to still spend time together.
• Care needs to be taken with small children in aged are facilities. Consider both the potential disruption to residents as well as possible uncertainty/confusion about the environment for the child.