Guilt

Guilt, like shame, is impossible to avoid. Feelings of guilt will often surface when you have to take over tasks the person with dementia previously handled, or make decisions on their behalf. It is particularly difficult when it is a matter of finances, operating a vehicle and household functions. This undermines something fundamental - the individual person's sense of identity.

Feelings of guilt may surface later when decisions are made about using a nursing home or respite care, for example, when you as a carer need a break or when a decision needs to be made about a move to a full time aged care facility.

Even if you had a mutual agreement that it might be necessary one day to be in an aged care facility, you will still feel guilty on the day you are no longer capable of caring for your loved one.

• It is important to discuss your thoughts on guilt. Professionals can assist you in dealing with these emotions and making specific decisions.
• Put your feelings of guilt into words in a support group.