Thoughts and Feelings

The following is an overview of the most common feelings and thoughts that may surface when your spouse or close family member is living with a type of dementia.

If we or someone we love, is affected by a serious disease, we may become anxious about what is going to happen. The accompanying fear and uncertainty can be very unsettling. Other feelings such as anger, feeling treated unjustly, and that life is meaningless and unfair may surface.

Many people have heard about dementia through the media or people they know. Unfortunately some of these may be extreme cases or may highlight the worst possible scenarios. Therefore it is important to know that dementia develops differently in each person. It is incapacitating over time, but the most important thing to remember is that there may be many good years where you can live more or less as before.

The burden of dealing with the disease varies for spouses, children and other close relatives. What they have in common is the responsibility each of us feels to help the demented person. Worries, fears and uncertainty may arise, particularly regarding how you are going to manage in the future. The emotional reactions will typically follow a pattern as outlined in the figure.

Emotional Reactions

Throughout the course of the disease, you will revisit the emotional turmoil that arises in new critical situations many times.

• In order to work through difficult emotions, it is a good idea to find supporters within your family/ friends who will listen to you.
• By putting words to thoughts and feelings, you will regain control of the situation so you can face the future.