Mailbox Response

The question was submitted 28/06/2007

Subject: How to deal with Mother's anxiety.

My mother has Alzheimers and is in an aged care residence. The last couple of visits she has been asking me about my father's death and funeral, 9 years ago. She keeps repeating the questions like....how many were at the funeral?....were there flowers on the coffin?....where was the service held?...was he awake when he died?
I am used to her repeating all the time but this has her really agitated and she will not stop. I finally told her I would write everything down and she could read about it herself.
Is this a good idea? Do you have any suggestions as to what I can say to her?
Would appreciate your advice.
Thank you,
Margaret.

Answer from DementiaNet

As you point out it is common for people with dementia to repeat questions. Sometimes the questions are quite simple and not distressing while at other times they do become distressed, as you have pointed out. It becomes like a broken record. Often no amount of reassurance is effective because they forget so quickly what you have told them.

Your idea to write things down clearly (and probably in large print) is a good idea but whether it will be successful or not will depend on whether she remembers to read it and does not misplace the piece of paper. Every time she asks the question it would be worth someone handing her the piece of paper to look at. You are likely to need some spare copies as it is likely that this will get misplaced.

This preoccupation with one particular topic can become very stressful for everyone and at times a small amount of tranquilizer may be necessary to take the edge off the situation until she finds some other less distressing topic to focus on.

The answer was published on DementiaNet 02/07/2007