feeling less hopeful
A page in the diary ""
Written by suew 2. Jul 2008 12:20 AM
Last Wednesday Ray had another "fit". I put it in inverted commas as I don't know if that is what it was. He was shaking, making funny noises and looked as if he was grinding his teeth. I was driving at the time so just found a side street and went down it. I stopped and opened the car windows, leaned his seat back and waited until he stopped. It was probably just a minute or so. I made sure I got him a cool drink as soon as we got to our destination. He seemed okay.
He has also had bouts of incontinence, three days in a row, okay for a couple of days, two days etc. There seems to be no relationship to this and the meals we have had, the hours he has slept etc. It seems to be mostly first thing in the morning but not always.
He has also become a little more argumentative and less likely to do something when I ask him to, sometimes not even after a few times of asking. Sometimes he argues that he didn't hear me or I didn't tell him.
I am as patient with all this as I can manage to be.I tell myself it is not him, it is the disease etc.
Today we went to take a couple of sponge cakes to the Dementia Lodge where Mum is as today was her 90th birthday. Sadly she had no presnts, no cards, no letters, nothing to say that anyone else remembered the day. Okay, she has been in care for six years now but SHE IS STILL ALIVE!!!!
All of this is depressing me a bit. Looking at Mum I see the shadow of what lies ahead for Ray. I feel as if the ground is shaky under my feet. I don't want to go down this path. But I will do it for as long as I physically can.