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feeling less hopeful

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Written by suew 2. Jul 2008 12:20 AM

Last Wednesday Ray had another "fit". I put it in inverted commas as I don't know if that is what it was. He was shaking, making funny noises and looked as if he was grinding his teeth. I was driving at the time so just found a side street and went down it. I stopped and opened the car windows, leaned his seat back and waited until he stopped. It was probably just a minute or so. I made sure I got him a cool drink as soon as we got to our destination. He seemed okay.

He has also had bouts of incontinence, three days in a row, okay for a couple of days, two days etc. There seems to be no relationship to this and the meals we have had, the hours he has slept etc. It seems to be mostly first thing in the morning but not always.

He has also become a little more argumentative and less likely to do something when I ask him to, sometimes not even after a few times of asking. Sometimes he argues that he didn't hear me or I didn't tell him.

I am as patient with all this as I can manage to be.I tell myself it is not him, it is the disease etc.

Today we went to take a couple of sponge cakes to the Dementia Lodge where Mum is as today was her 90th birthday. Sadly she had no presnts, no cards, no letters, nothing to say that anyone else remembered the day. Okay, she has been in care for six years now but SHE IS STILL ALIVE!!!!

All of this is depressing me a bit. Looking at Mum I see the shadow of what lies ahead for Ray. I feel as if the ground is shaky under my feet. I don't want to go down this path. But I will do it for as long as I physically can.

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Comments from the community:

You're right Sue. Life does suck sometimes...and its ok to be angry, yell and scream at the universe, because by doing this, we clear our energy to once again take care of the people we love the most.

You are a unique woman.

Lots of love

Kandi

Written by kandi, 4. Jul 2008 12:31 AM

Hey Sue I am really worried about you hearing how down you are. You have such a difficult job with very little help from anyone else.
Dad took a funny turn tonight also when I put him to bed. I think him blood pressure drops and he almost goes unconscious. I have to sit him up so he can breathe and it takes him a few minutes to become aware again. Until this happens he is just glassy eyed and gasping. It is nerve racking when the ones we care for take unexpected turns.
I am sending you lots of hugs to help you through dear friend.
Mum has been in an aggressive mood all this week but everything has been disorganised since I went away for the weekend.
My thoughts are with you. Take care xoxoxoxo

Written by leslie, 4. Jul 2008 01:01 AM

I have only just discovered this site and your writing Sue. Thank you - it helps tremendously. The bit about cards really hit me. My mum used to receive so many cards from family and friends but suddenly when she went into a hostel four years ago the cards stopped. I couldn't believe it!! I was so upset, it hit me hard.
Thanks for your sharing.
Leonie

Written by Leonie, 28. Oct 2008 10:34 AM